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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Have you missed me?

Good Lord, after almost a month of not being able to post on this blog, I finally figured it out. I had switched to a new Publisher, and it doesnt agree with my computer..So Yay!! Oh No, now they say that the old publisher is going to get deleted and I wont be able to post using it much longer :( So for now, i'll just try to blog my little southern heart out! No thanks required y'all..
Now, if I can just come up with something to post about...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Congratulations K&K

This is post is to my niece "red".. I love you baby, and you looked beautiful in all the pictures that I saw today (thanks j)..I want you to know how proud I am of you. You did it the right way!! You learned from all our mistakes...and the list of mistakes would be to long to post.. And you have done it the right way!! Yeah. I never could imagine how beautiful you would be (face it, you were pudgy and had red hair)...Just kidding...And to your wonderful fiance' K..You had better treat her right, because all us "ladies" can get real redneck, real quick...And by redneck I mean...I have a 93 surburban with 4 wheel drive and i aint afraid to use it...and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband...and i own some swamp land to...and we have gators....ok,ok, you do realize i'm kidding right? Ok, Mostly kidding...but you get the gyst right?? But, if my niece loves you, then I love you...and i've already heard about how good of a guy you are (and your really cute too)...so just be sweet to each other and it will all be ok.

Now, Kaila...what you need to get is a good Cast Iron Skillet/Frying pan...they tend to shut up and listen to you when your wielding one of those :)

Ok, so i've said my piece to K, and gave my love to K.M. What else am I forgetting?

Oh, yeah to my sissy V, and my brother in law S...yall did a wonderful job on raising K.M...and sissy you looked hot in the pics...I tried reall hard (and i mean really hard) to come and be there for yall/me...And I should say here thanks again to my sister in law B for offering to help with the plane ticket..but darn those airlines, 450.00 geesh. Thanks, B.

Oh, and J. you looked hot too... And so did miss "kracker"...I want lots of pictures updloaded so I can feel like i'm there...
And ok, this it probably T.M.I. but I even shaved my legs today, in honor of K.M. and since most of yall know me, uh, i'm usually like a female version of Chewbaca...Hey, it's like a defense mechanisim...to keep my hubby away!!! HAHAHAH...

Anywhoo, i know this is kinda been a rambling post, but i love you K.M...And I hope tomorrow brings you everything you wanted..and deserve...

And I wouldn't mind, like getting messages, like "doing our hair" or "aunt C just took a nose dive"...Those kinda things...

Love,
Aunt J

Friday, July 30, 2010

OPERATION SNEAK

Hey y'all...How y'all been doing? Me? Oh, I'm fine and so are the kids...and, hubby's still alive so..there ya go. I'm just a little (a lot) homesick. My Beautiful niece K.M. is getting married on Thursday...And I thought that I was going to be able to SNEAK down there and make a *SPECIAL APPEARANCE*...A little to late I realized that Sneaking was impossible..I'm from Alabama y'all, and we like to gossip...anyway, I thought I had everything figured out...But reality stepped in and gave me a big ol' slap in the face (Ike Turner like)..How in the world can plane tickets go from 240.00 to 450.00 in the span of 24 hours???? Geesh...Ya ll do the math..My wonderful sister-in-law B offered to help us out with the cost (thanks b)...and between me, and my hubby, and my sisnlaw we were gonna be able to get enough for the $240.00 ticket!! Yeah!!! And I was soooo happy/excited/stoked about getting able to go home. BY MYSELF!!!I've got like 20 kids y'all, and alone time for me consist of locking the bathroom door, and trying to ignore the banging/yelling/pulling/fingers sticking out of the bottom of the door (and that's just from my hubby) all the while trying to use the bathroom...

Anywhoo, I was going to be able to see my Whole Family...My mama and papa, and my Granny R (I'm her favorite, shut up y'all all know it :p) for the first time in like 3 or 4 years....But alas, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'll still be there in spirit. I guess I should be relieved...now I don't have to shave my legs/get my hair did/worry about looking fat (5 kids=rolls in places you Didn't know you have)...so I guess there's the upside...But I so was ready to do all of the above, to see all my family...I guess I'm just homesick..It is really funny how much you can't wait to get out of your hometown....only to yearn later on in life to go back home. I know, I know.. I did it to myself...Oh, the things I would tell myself if I ever ran into my 17 year old self....

Anywhoo...just thought i'd share this with all yall...I can't wait to see the pictures!!!And CONGRATULATIONS to my niece K.M. and her fiance K..may all your dreams come true..
Love Aunt J

P.S.
The plan was going to go down like this: I asked Mrs.L,(and her handsome husband Mr.R) if they would pick me up from the airport on Thursday at 6am...And come and surprise Granny R first...then the rest of yall...and I was going to stay there visiting everyone (by myself) and not leave until 7am on Monday!!! That was going to be a long visit...Thanks anyway Mrs. L and Mr.R for being willing to be my *partners-in-crime* and being willing to come all the way to Bham to pick me up for *Operation Sneek*...It means alot to me that you would do that for me. You know that i've always loved yall, Mrs.L, right?
And thanks to my sis-in-law, B for everything.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

If your squeamish, don't read!!

2 Words: ARTERIAL SPRAY

Ok, so mmaybe it wasn't that bad!!! It all happend a few day's ago, and I just recoverd enough to post it. It all went down like this:

"Hey Hubby, it time to poke you"...err, (check his blood sugar level)...To which Hubby replies "Fine"..So I get his checker out, give him a alcohol swab, load the poker, load the machine...He pokes himself, I put the machine up to the blood and....nothing, there wasn't enough blood...So the (genius) i'm married/stuck to, SQUEEZES HIS FINGER AND BLOOD SQUIRTED ALL OVER HIS FACE/HAND/ARMS/MOUTH/ME.....WTH? I'm talking ARTERIAL SPRAY here people!!! Let me just pause so you can gag/puke/choke (on a water bottle filled with chewed up hamburger meat)!!! YOU ARE WELCOME G-MA!!
Ok, anywhoooo,
I would love to say that after all i've been through with him...numerous surgery's, a "chainsaw" incident, a "stabbing" incident (word to the wise: don't watch cheaters with your husband and ask him "if that was me honey, who cheated on you...would you take me back like that guy just did?") And FYI, I didn't get stabbed, "he stabbed his self showing off, officer"....Where was I? Oh, the part where I tottally get grossed out and couldn't even bother to try to hide my *grossed out-ness*...and then i screamed like a girl, had mouth vomit, near bout passed out...yes people, my husband was asking me if I was ok? So here he is with Blood all over the place/face/sheets...and the only thing I have handy is one of his new socks...so I threw/tossed it to him, (gaaged) and he doesn't want to use it because it was his NEW sock...Huh? dude, get over it.....I reached around and found a OLD sock, threw it to him and ran (like a girl, no doubt) back to my side of the bed!!! But, before he stopps the bleeding, i still need to check his level, so I pull it together, turn the machine Back on, check the level...I won't devulge the number (his mama reads this)...We (he) get the bleeding to stop, we (he) get's his self cleaned up *gag* and then he's over it...However, i'm still gagging/choking/tottally grossed out....TO THIS DAY..I'M STILL GROSSED OUT..
In MY defence, y'all, i'm not normally a girl who get's grossed out..I've given birth 5 times people!! And, i'm married to a redneck...And, I'VE GIVEN BIRTH 5 TIMES, wait, i've already said that..I honestley don't know why I reacted so badly....I quess we will chalk it all up to just having a BAD DAY...Don't know what else to say...
It all ended up ok... Hubby stopped "spraying" blood everywhere, the sheet's were washed...good thing my color is red..
Just thought i'd pass it along..
You'r Welcome.

Monday, July 19, 2010

There is SOMETHING in the water.

Uuggghh...YUCK!!!GrOOOsss..Gag...blech..You get it? I don't think you do...Let me break it down for ya....For those of you who know me, we have well water..icky well water..but said well water has nothing to do with this post (SHOCK)..
It all went down like this:
We were all at the dinner table (which happens to be a outside picnic table, whatever, we have like 20 kids) SHARING stories about our day, eating homemade hamburgers (i.e. Ghetto Burgers on regular bread)..And every body's having a good time..Yeah, ok..so maybe everyone is shoveling food in THEIR mouth, and eating their macaroni with their hands...OK, back to where I was...
The dinner: Ghetto Burgers
The drink: Bottled water
ME: "J.R. quit drinking so much water and eat some of your burger"
JR: "FINE"...Now picture his mouth saying *FINE*, and the water bottle being slammed down on the table...Now picture me watching said water bottle as it settled on the table...now imagine a "mini tornado" of chewed up hamburger meat settling on the bottom of the bottle...
ME: "OMG, gross JR"
Hubby: "EWWW"
3 little brats: "Awesome"..."Cool"
The lesson here: Look before you drink
I REST MY CASE

Friday, July 9, 2010

Why I miss Alabama

It's funny, when your young you can't wait to get out of your house and your hometown. When your older, all you wanna do is go back home and back to your hometown. On Sunday, my niece Kaila is having her bridal tea. AND I WONT BE THERE. Again..and no, I don't mean again as in she's had bridal teas before. I mean again as in I'M MISSING SOMETHING ELSE IMPORTANT AGAIN. You gotta understand, I love all my niece's and nephews...but Kaila, she was always such a sweetie..and she loved me so much when she was younger..I've got a picture of us in my mothers old house, and she's maybe 18months old or so, and I'm holding her and she's giving me a big ol kiss...you gotta imagine, I'm just a teenager in this picture and she is so FAT and redheaded..and gorgeous...and every time i talk about her that is the picture that comes to mind..And no, I'm not mental. I know she's grown up and beautiful and TALL, and skinny with perfect teeth. It's just that she will always be my little fat redheaded baby. Congratulations, Kaila and Kyle....Oh, and did I mention her middle name is MY middle name? Huh? She love me.
Since I'm already boohoooing, I miss all y'all in Alabama..My Bessie, who was my first niece, who used to drive me nuts wanting me to play with her and always wearing my pink scooter helmet as she rode her "scooter"...and oh, yeah, until she came around Santa Claus was all mine....then bam....that little rat got all the "sprite dolls" that year from Santa..Me? Not one thing from Mr. Claus....But I loved her so much that I let her sleep with me....and when she would go to sleep she insisted that her toes (specifically the big one) be on you at all times..and she didn't sleep like regular kids do, she slept upside down, sideways, zigways, so that meant that sometimes that toe of hers would end up on your nose....or stuck in your ear..And whenever i think of her that's how i "see" her in my head..And once again, I'm not mental..she's all grown up now with kids of her own (and about the same age as some of mine), and the little rat is skinny....she definitely got her mama's genes. And she Better love me.
And my niece Kourtney...who is going to University of Southern AL for her 4 year degree....My kids call her kourtney cracker (dylan couldn't say her real last name )..Well she was like my own baby...When her mom Cindy was properly zanaxed (jk) me and my boyfriend Matt could take her to the mall and stuff...she loved me..And I have a picture of her in a slip and my shiatsu slippers that is forever in my mind...that and her in her little mermaid underwear singing "under the sea"...I'll always feel bad for letting her cut her finger open on a coke can in my car while waiting for her mom to sign up for more college courses...I still don't know if her mom Cindy has forgiven me yet..She loves me.
And my niece Nikki...she's almost a year older that my oldest...but she was so beautiful and sweet.. as she got older, she loved to pretend that she was a cat or a dog or a dinosaur....it was the cutest thing...I'd buy her these beanie baby's and she would just love on them...When she was about 2 or so she would call me "aunt namie"...I still answer today to that name... and now she's 16 and beautiful..
Then there's Kenzie...And boy oh boy, Does she give me a run for my money...She's smarter than I am..(shutup)She is absolutely gorgeous.. and she's a little older than my 3rd kid..so i kinda missed her growing up...maybe she loves me
And i can't forget my nephews
Tyler...my sweet baby who i stuck with a diaper pin by accident when i was changing his clothe diaper...I used to secretly think he started fires..cuz, before he was a month old Cheryl had already caught a pan on fire, and then the woods by my granny and papaws house was on fire...But after that all was good...What? I was like 10 and had just watched that movie Fire Starter...Anyway, he soon grew bigger than i was and now he's married and I've never even met his wife...But I know he loves me..
And Andrew, My tiny Andrew,, with the wild red hair..that came into the world way to early and I had to wait way to long to hold you. I remember one time, right after they let you come home from the hospital and you were in your cradle...Cheryl had told me not to touch you because of germs, but you were so cute that I couldn't help it and i ran my finger over your spiked hair and all down to your toes..I've never told anyone that...And when i went home i prayed to god that i wouldn't make you sick..But to my surprise, on Christmas your mama let me hold you all on my own...So when i think of you, I think about how small you were in my arms..But your all grown up now, and married and with a beautiful little girl who was born on Dylan's birthday...And I haven't even met your wife or your little girl yet..I hope he still loves me.
And my nephew Chase....His nickname was "Chase Worley around the house"....He's grown up to be a handsome man...Maybe he still remembers me.
And i wouldn't feel right not mentioning Ryan, who wasn't my nephew, but was family anyway. Him and Jessica were inseparable and we all loved him...but he was taken away from us way to soon. But we all still love our "Rhino"
And then there is my sisters....
Cindy, the oldest.. when i think of her i think of fly swatters and the smell of coconut shampoo..she has a way of making you BELIEVE that you will win the lottery one day...and that you look really fabulous in that bikini (even when you don't)..And when she was in labor with Kourtney i was in the room and i had just had a perm and she threw me out!!!!I thought she was being way over dramatic..until i had kids and realized that the smell of dip was enough to make me want to commit murder while giving birth..I love you Cindy
Cheryl..She's the sweetest sister of mine..She's like Michelle Duggarr, all patience and poise...And she makes the best Mashed Potatoes in the world.. I love you Cheryl
And Vicky, she's the skinniest sister of mine...Honestly. she can have a baby and poof, back in to her jeans.. She's the one you go to when you want to hear it honestly...like when you really don't look good in that bikini...I love you Vicky
My mama....I miss my mamma...I wanna just lay beside her and watch LMN and talk and aggravate RIO (her pig, I mean dog)I love you mama
My papa........I miss him, even though he aggregates me...I am most like him I think...I also think you can get "genes" through osmosis, cause he isn't my biological dad, but i look and act just like him.. I love you papa
MY GRANNY...I'M GONNA WRITE THIS IN ALL CAPPS BECAUSE I MISS HER THE MOST. I WANT TO SEE HER SO BAD AND WALK IN HER GARDENS AND EAT AN APPLE AND DRINK A PEPSI WITH HER. THEN I WANT TO SIT ON HER COUCH AND WATCH WHEEL OF FORTUNE WITH HER. AND HUG HER. AND LOOK A PICTURES OF US WHEN WE WERE LITTLE. I MISS MY GRANNY SO MUCH AND I WANT TO SEE THE LOOK ON HER FACE WHEN SHE SEE'S ALL MY BABIES AGAIN(ESPECIALLY THE LITTLEST ONE CAUSE HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME) I LOVE YOU GRANNY RICE
And also, my biological father James Keith Freeman died a few years ago, and I didn't get to go to the funeral. and I haven't even been to his grave site.
But i want to go see him too. R.I.P. daddy
And My Granny Freeman, who is not doing so good, and may not remember me, I want to see her and tell her i love her and that she made the best banana sandwiches in the whole world.
I guess, y'all can figure out that I wanna come home and see all y'all.. I love y'all all, even the one's not in Alabama

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It's Cold in Here!!

Hey yall! Did you miss me? If your related to me you are required by law to say yes..So, I'm back from my mini-vacation..Once again, thanks to my mother in law!! You ROCK, Gma..So we had a really good time in R-town..Swimming in the pool's...Getting to know my new sis in law better (and she is awesome)...And getting my hand's on the newest (and probably not the last) Thompson..Sweet baby girl..She is gorgeous..so little..but oh, so smelly when she need's a diaper change!!! I breastfed (ewww, sorry D and Girl Child) all mine, and their poo didn't stink that bad...but oh, my goodness...new baby girl is a true Thompson...
Anyway, my a/c is fixed!! Yeah!!! Thank's Uncle Todd for the name of the Professional.. Now, i'm actually COLD!!! yep, I said cold..When the a/c was out, I didn't do much cleaning..**ok, so I really don't do a lot of cleaning anyway**, but today I cleaned my Booties off....There is actually a whole "path" through my house that you can walk through and not trip over anything. WOW, huh?
So, my little ones where good at g-ma's house. There were no holes knocked in the wall or anything!! Though, i'm pretty sure Girl Child is trying to drive g'ma right up the wall..Now you know what i'm talking about g-ma!! You gotta love a 13 year old girl..And she's just like me, so you know, she gets the smartbutt thing from me..Of course, I had enough brains to roll my eye's AFTER my mom/g-ma walked away..not right where they could see me...Again, love to ya g-ma.. Oh, and g-ma, don't Kill her!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Thank God for Mother In Laws

And yes, I did just type the sentence "thank God for mother in laws"..Never thought i'd say that (just kidding of course)...Luv to ya G-Ma. Anyway, my mother in law RESCUED me from my oven of a house..and yes, I left hubby to stew in his own sweat..Whisked me off to the big R town..My ears popped from the hills..And I am now sitting in the ac, kicking out this post on my M-I-L's circa 1985 keyboard..(again, luv to ya G-Ma)..We are going to the pool later...still can't find a razor in this house...so if you swim by me, I will be the one with a mommy bathing suit on that looooooks like Chewbaca...Yep, it's that bad..
Ok, TMI???? *cricket,cricket*..
Hubby is currently slaving away in rain/heat of J town..trying to get our BIG ac unit working..That's gonna be hard, considering the other one blew up and blew junk into our lines....Awww, but we've hired a professional to do it...Yep people, seems all i need to do to get a Professional hired to do the job right (meaning not duct taped which is hubby's favorite thing to use to FIX things...) is to ... LEAVE MY HUSBAND...Shoot, You think I could get my house re-done if I stayed in R town?? Not likely...Said hubby would probably come up here and duct tape me to the car to come home...hmmm, not bad..but that's another post...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stuck in a Rut

Well. the airconditioner fairie didn't come while we were gone to get something to eat in the ac...at Golden Corrall (ummm). It was to celebrate Dylan's birthday that's tomorrow..and eat in the ac...oh, and it was kids night at GC so they ate for 1.99 each!!!! YEAH!!! THANK YOU HUBBY FOR TAKING US TO EAT THERE. IN THE AC!!! (i was obligated, er, made to put that last statement in).....Anywhoo...it's still hot as hell in here...and once again all of the angels *brats* are going to sleep in the master bedroom....SWEET...
Any way i will update yall on Dylan's birthday details, and about girl child's having her "hair did" by her Grandma....Should be interesting Yall...
As you might can tell, or maybe you can't, that said brats are still awake reeking havock on my bedroom....Time to quit posting and start wipping some tail!!!!!

NOT PINK OR PURPLE PLEASE

Hello there...so why the whole "no pink or purple please"? Well see, the only girl child of mine is visiting/punishing grandma for a few weeks..or day's if she tries to set fire to grandma's house ONE MORE TIME...anywhoo, grandma is going to give girl child Highlites today...EEEEKKKK!!! I get an innocent text from girl child going "dearest mommie, may grandmother please have permission to put highlight's in my hair, please mommie, may I get highlites"....ok, so that's a lie..it was more like "yo, maw, grandma's putting some color in my hair...got a problem with it"...ok, so that's not true either..it was a really basic text asking politely if she could have highlites...but i know my girl child and could totally read between the lines of the text and believe me the "yo, maw" verison is what she was really thinking....OK...so she's getting highlites from grandma (who is actually a totally "hip" grandma and all) and my only response is NOT PINK OR PURPLE PLEASE!!!
Good luck girls, please don't poke anyone's eye out...or try to set fire to grandmas' house again...especially if your hair's beeing highlited...just imagine the camera crews interviewing you about what happened.......hmmmm

I'm Hottt!!!

Ok, so you don't have to escort the kiddies out of the room to read this post. I'm HOT because our AirConditioner quit again...I swear, nothing works here but me!! HA! So the only ac that works in our house is the one in the master bedroom...aka the temple of doom, er, love. Anyway, so I have had the kids in here with me since last night..all day today...all day today...Pretty sure my kids could be used to break the Hardest Criminal's into telling their secrets..At this point i'm ready to EXPLODE!! I even tried wathcing 18 kids and counting, the one where they are iced in for like 6 day's, for moral support. All that talk about "the kid's are watching me to see how i'll react, so i've got to stay calm"...well, if my kids are watching me then they are seeing my head actually rotate around..while steam comes from my ears..while shouting things like "you know who i'm talking about", and "don't put that booger in your mouth while setting on my bed" (kid get's off the bed and put's said booger in mouth..ewww)Anyway I LOVE me some DUGGARS, so no disrespect on that end..it's just today there doesn't seem to be enough Zanax in the world to keep me Duggar calm today......I quess this is more like a RANT than a post...
Besides all this, tomorrow is my little baby boys birthday..and yes, Dylan, you will alway's be my little baby boy..(never mind the fact that my baby is 6 ft 2 and wears a size 14 cleat)..and he's only going to be 15...Seem's like i've been talking UP to my baby boy since he was like 8...So, ok, i'm having trouble beliving that he is really growing up..and that mean's i'm getting old.....of course that's a whole other post...
Hope my troubles give yall a good laugh, because heaven knows that's all i'm living off of..laugh's...and zanax
P.S. Just joking about the zanax thing....... : )

Monday, June 21, 2010

Paging Dr. Taylor

Ok, so the hubby was recently diagnosed with DIABETES.. We are all making changes...ie, the hubby is coming up with some unique hiding places to hide his cookies...anyway, our 5 year old is with us all the time (he's the only one not in school, yet), and has watched since the begining the whole Diabetes regime that my hubby goes through..So much that now when it's time to check hubby's blood sugar level..we page "Dr. Taylor"..our 5 year old comes running and
a)get's the "pack" that contains hubby's diabetic supplies
b)gets out the "pen" and puts in a new poker
c)gets the alcohol pad out and "washes" daddy's finger
d)while he waits for daddy's finger to dry, he loads the meter
e)after daddy's finger is dry, he then "pokes" daddy's finger
f)then he put's the meter to daddy's blood ~~ewww~~
g)before daddy can hide what the meter's said he so cutely call's out 300, or some other high humber...cookies that hubby's been cheating with, remember?
AFTER THAT THERE IS STILL THE SHOT TO BE GIVEN
soooo.."Dr. Taylor"
1)goes to the fridge and get's daddy's insulin
2)runs back and give's it to me to warm
3)get's the needle out and ready
4)take's his beloved alcohol pads out and cleans the insulin bottle
5)While I hold the bottle he put the needle in (not joking) and draws the insulin
6)then he gives it to me and yell's at his dad to "ROLL OBER" 5YO speak for roll over
7)he disenfects the area and then I give the shot
PRETTY SMART FOR A 5 YEAR OLD HUH?
oh, and he get's really mad if we don't call him DR Taylor....I can just imagine the angry phone calls from girls fathers when he's a teenager and tries to play "DR Taylor"

Forgive me, i'm new to this

Ok, so this is my first post...what do I want to post about? Anyone have any suggestions? *cricket, cricket* Ok. So here I go...I'm a mom to a total of 7 kids. The whole, *his, mine, and ours* saying totally go here...I had 2 from a previous marriage, he had 2 from a previous marriage, then we ~decided~ to have 3 more (boys of course)...so 2+2+3=7 kids...6 boys and a girl...
Anyway, here it is summer time and i'm going nuts already. It's hot as hell here already, so i've got a ton of kids stuck up my tail 24/7 or so it seems...WTH am I supposed to do with all the kids to keep them occupied all summer? I know, to make my mom and mother in law cringe...I could let them run naked in the house while holding scissors (and not the blunt tip kind) in there hands!!! Or, I could park them in front of the tv/xbox all day while I try to figure out this whole blogging thing...Neither one will win me Mother of the Year awards so....I quess i'll save DSS and my mom/mother in law a well being check and park them in front of the tv...Oh, and i'd never let my teenagers run naked in the house...EEWW...So for the teenagers they can just go back to ignoring me/texting their friends the stupid stuff I said/did, and generally just pretending I don't exist....Until they need clean laundry, or money for the movies..
There's one person I haven't really mentioned...My hubby...He's OK, I quess.....