There was an error in this gadget

Friday, July 30, 2010

OPERATION SNEAK

Hey y'all...How y'all been doing? Me? Oh, I'm fine and so are the kids...and, hubby's still alive so..there ya go. I'm just a little (a lot) homesick. My Beautiful niece K.M. is getting married on Thursday...And I thought that I was going to be able to SNEAK down there and make a *SPECIAL APPEARANCE*...A little to late I realized that Sneaking was impossible..I'm from Alabama y'all, and we like to gossip...anyway, I thought I had everything figured out...But reality stepped in and gave me a big ol' slap in the face (Ike Turner like)..How in the world can plane tickets go from 240.00 to 450.00 in the span of 24 hours???? Geesh...Ya ll do the math..My wonderful sister-in-law B offered to help us out with the cost (thanks b)...and between me, and my hubby, and my sisnlaw we were gonna be able to get enough for the $240.00 ticket!! Yeah!!! And I was soooo happy/excited/stoked about getting able to go home. BY MYSELF!!!I've got like 20 kids y'all, and alone time for me consist of locking the bathroom door, and trying to ignore the banging/yelling/pulling/fingers sticking out of the bottom of the door (and that's just from my hubby) all the while trying to use the bathroom...

Anywhoo, I was going to be able to see my Whole Family...My mama and papa, and my Granny R (I'm her favorite, shut up y'all all know it :p) for the first time in like 3 or 4 years....But alas, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'll still be there in spirit. I guess I should be relieved...now I don't have to shave my legs/get my hair did/worry about looking fat (5 kids=rolls in places you Didn't know you have)...so I guess there's the upside...But I so was ready to do all of the above, to see all my family...I guess I'm just homesick..It is really funny how much you can't wait to get out of your hometown....only to yearn later on in life to go back home. I know, I know.. I did it to myself...Oh, the things I would tell myself if I ever ran into my 17 year old self....

Anywhoo...just thought i'd share this with all yall...I can't wait to see the pictures!!!And CONGRATULATIONS to my niece K.M. and her fiance K..may all your dreams come true..
Love Aunt J

P.S.
The plan was going to go down like this: I asked Mrs.L,(and her handsome husband Mr.R) if they would pick me up from the airport on Thursday at 6am...And come and surprise Granny R first...then the rest of yall...and I was going to stay there visiting everyone (by myself) and not leave until 7am on Monday!!! That was going to be a long visit...Thanks anyway Mrs. L and Mr.R for being willing to be my *partners-in-crime* and being willing to come all the way to Bham to pick me up for *Operation Sneek*...It means alot to me that you would do that for me. You know that i've always loved yall, Mrs.L, right?
And thanks to my sis-in-law, B for everything.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

If your squeamish, don't read!!

2 Words: ARTERIAL SPRAY

Ok, so mmaybe it wasn't that bad!!! It all happend a few day's ago, and I just recoverd enough to post it. It all went down like this:

"Hey Hubby, it time to poke you"...err, (check his blood sugar level)...To which Hubby replies "Fine"..So I get his checker out, give him a alcohol swab, load the poker, load the machine...He pokes himself, I put the machine up to the blood and....nothing, there wasn't enough blood...So the (genius) i'm married/stuck to, SQUEEZES HIS FINGER AND BLOOD SQUIRTED ALL OVER HIS FACE/HAND/ARMS/MOUTH/ME.....WTH? I'm talking ARTERIAL SPRAY here people!!! Let me just pause so you can gag/puke/choke (on a water bottle filled with chewed up hamburger meat)!!! YOU ARE WELCOME G-MA!!
Ok, anywhoooo,
I would love to say that after all i've been through with him...numerous surgery's, a "chainsaw" incident, a "stabbing" incident (word to the wise: don't watch cheaters with your husband and ask him "if that was me honey, who cheated on you...would you take me back like that guy just did?") And FYI, I didn't get stabbed, "he stabbed his self showing off, officer"....Where was I? Oh, the part where I tottally get grossed out and couldn't even bother to try to hide my *grossed out-ness*...and then i screamed like a girl, had mouth vomit, near bout passed out...yes people, my husband was asking me if I was ok? So here he is with Blood all over the place/face/sheets...and the only thing I have handy is one of his new socks...so I threw/tossed it to him, (gaaged) and he doesn't want to use it because it was his NEW sock...Huh? dude, get over it.....I reached around and found a OLD sock, threw it to him and ran (like a girl, no doubt) back to my side of the bed!!! But, before he stopps the bleeding, i still need to check his level, so I pull it together, turn the machine Back on, check the level...I won't devulge the number (his mama reads this)...We (he) get the bleeding to stop, we (he) get's his self cleaned up *gag* and then he's over it...However, i'm still gagging/choking/tottally grossed out....TO THIS DAY..I'M STILL GROSSED OUT..
In MY defence, y'all, i'm not normally a girl who get's grossed out..I've given birth 5 times people!! And, i'm married to a redneck...And, I'VE GIVEN BIRTH 5 TIMES, wait, i've already said that..I honestley don't know why I reacted so badly....I quess we will chalk it all up to just having a BAD DAY...Don't know what else to say...
It all ended up ok... Hubby stopped "spraying" blood everywhere, the sheet's were washed...good thing my color is red..
Just thought i'd pass it along..
You'r Welcome.

Monday, July 19, 2010

There is SOMETHING in the water.

Uuggghh...YUCK!!!GrOOOsss..Gag...blech..You get it? I don't think you do...Let me break it down for ya....For those of you who know me, we have well water..icky well water..but said well water has nothing to do with this post (SHOCK)..
It all went down like this:
We were all at the dinner table (which happens to be a outside picnic table, whatever, we have like 20 kids) SHARING stories about our day, eating homemade hamburgers (i.e. Ghetto Burgers on regular bread)..And every body's having a good time..Yeah, ok..so maybe everyone is shoveling food in THEIR mouth, and eating their macaroni with their hands...OK, back to where I was...
The dinner: Ghetto Burgers
The drink: Bottled water
ME: "J.R. quit drinking so much water and eat some of your burger"
JR: "FINE"...Now picture his mouth saying *FINE*, and the water bottle being slammed down on the table...Now picture me watching said water bottle as it settled on the table...now imagine a "mini tornado" of chewed up hamburger meat settling on the bottom of the bottle...
ME: "OMG, gross JR"
Hubby: "EWWW"
3 little brats: "Awesome"..."Cool"
The lesson here: Look before you drink
I REST MY CASE

Friday, July 9, 2010

Why I miss Alabama

It's funny, when your young you can't wait to get out of your house and your hometown. When your older, all you wanna do is go back home and back to your hometown. On Sunday, my niece Kaila is having her bridal tea. AND I WONT BE THERE. Again..and no, I don't mean again as in she's had bridal teas before. I mean again as in I'M MISSING SOMETHING ELSE IMPORTANT AGAIN. You gotta understand, I love all my niece's and nephews...but Kaila, she was always such a sweetie..and she loved me so much when she was younger..I've got a picture of us in my mothers old house, and she's maybe 18months old or so, and I'm holding her and she's giving me a big ol kiss...you gotta imagine, I'm just a teenager in this picture and she is so FAT and redheaded..and gorgeous...and every time i talk about her that is the picture that comes to mind..And no, I'm not mental. I know she's grown up and beautiful and TALL, and skinny with perfect teeth. It's just that she will always be my little fat redheaded baby. Congratulations, Kaila and Kyle....Oh, and did I mention her middle name is MY middle name? Huh? She love me.
Since I'm already boohoooing, I miss all y'all in Alabama..My Bessie, who was my first niece, who used to drive me nuts wanting me to play with her and always wearing my pink scooter helmet as she rode her "scooter"...and oh, yeah, until she came around Santa Claus was all mine....then bam....that little rat got all the "sprite dolls" that year from Santa..Me? Not one thing from Mr. Claus....But I loved her so much that I let her sleep with me....and when she would go to sleep she insisted that her toes (specifically the big one) be on you at all times..and she didn't sleep like regular kids do, she slept upside down, sideways, zigways, so that meant that sometimes that toe of hers would end up on your nose....or stuck in your ear..And whenever i think of her that's how i "see" her in my head..And once again, I'm not mental..she's all grown up now with kids of her own (and about the same age as some of mine), and the little rat is skinny....she definitely got her mama's genes. And she Better love me.
And my niece Kourtney...who is going to University of Southern AL for her 4 year degree....My kids call her kourtney cracker (dylan couldn't say her real last name )..Well she was like my own baby...When her mom Cindy was properly zanaxed (jk) me and my boyfriend Matt could take her to the mall and stuff...she loved me..And I have a picture of her in a slip and my shiatsu slippers that is forever in my mind...that and her in her little mermaid underwear singing "under the sea"...I'll always feel bad for letting her cut her finger open on a coke can in my car while waiting for her mom to sign up for more college courses...I still don't know if her mom Cindy has forgiven me yet..She loves me.
And my niece Nikki...she's almost a year older that my oldest...but she was so beautiful and sweet.. as she got older, she loved to pretend that she was a cat or a dog or a dinosaur....it was the cutest thing...I'd buy her these beanie baby's and she would just love on them...When she was about 2 or so she would call me "aunt namie"...I still answer today to that name... and now she's 16 and beautiful..
Then there's Kenzie...And boy oh boy, Does she give me a run for my money...She's smarter than I am..(shutup)She is absolutely gorgeous.. and she's a little older than my 3rd kid..so i kinda missed her growing up...maybe she loves me
And i can't forget my nephews
Tyler...my sweet baby who i stuck with a diaper pin by accident when i was changing his clothe diaper...I used to secretly think he started fires..cuz, before he was a month old Cheryl had already caught a pan on fire, and then the woods by my granny and papaws house was on fire...But after that all was good...What? I was like 10 and had just watched that movie Fire Starter...Anyway, he soon grew bigger than i was and now he's married and I've never even met his wife...But I know he loves me..
And Andrew, My tiny Andrew,, with the wild red hair..that came into the world way to early and I had to wait way to long to hold you. I remember one time, right after they let you come home from the hospital and you were in your cradle...Cheryl had told me not to touch you because of germs, but you were so cute that I couldn't help it and i ran my finger over your spiked hair and all down to your toes..I've never told anyone that...And when i went home i prayed to god that i wouldn't make you sick..But to my surprise, on Christmas your mama let me hold you all on my own...So when i think of you, I think about how small you were in my arms..But your all grown up now, and married and with a beautiful little girl who was born on Dylan's birthday...And I haven't even met your wife or your little girl yet..I hope he still loves me.
And my nephew Chase....His nickname was "Chase Worley around the house"....He's grown up to be a handsome man...Maybe he still remembers me.
And i wouldn't feel right not mentioning Ryan, who wasn't my nephew, but was family anyway. Him and Jessica were inseparable and we all loved him...but he was taken away from us way to soon. But we all still love our "Rhino"
And then there is my sisters....
Cindy, the oldest.. when i think of her i think of fly swatters and the smell of coconut shampoo..she has a way of making you BELIEVE that you will win the lottery one day...and that you look really fabulous in that bikini (even when you don't)..And when she was in labor with Kourtney i was in the room and i had just had a perm and she threw me out!!!!I thought she was being way over dramatic..until i had kids and realized that the smell of dip was enough to make me want to commit murder while giving birth..I love you Cindy
Cheryl..She's the sweetest sister of mine..She's like Michelle Duggarr, all patience and poise...And she makes the best Mashed Potatoes in the world.. I love you Cheryl
And Vicky, she's the skinniest sister of mine...Honestly. she can have a baby and poof, back in to her jeans.. She's the one you go to when you want to hear it honestly...like when you really don't look good in that bikini...I love you Vicky
My mama....I miss my mamma...I wanna just lay beside her and watch LMN and talk and aggravate RIO (her pig, I mean dog)I love you mama
My papa........I miss him, even though he aggregates me...I am most like him I think...I also think you can get "genes" through osmosis, cause he isn't my biological dad, but i look and act just like him.. I love you papa
MY GRANNY...I'M GONNA WRITE THIS IN ALL CAPPS BECAUSE I MISS HER THE MOST. I WANT TO SEE HER SO BAD AND WALK IN HER GARDENS AND EAT AN APPLE AND DRINK A PEPSI WITH HER. THEN I WANT TO SIT ON HER COUCH AND WATCH WHEEL OF FORTUNE WITH HER. AND HUG HER. AND LOOK A PICTURES OF US WHEN WE WERE LITTLE. I MISS MY GRANNY SO MUCH AND I WANT TO SEE THE LOOK ON HER FACE WHEN SHE SEE'S ALL MY BABIES AGAIN(ESPECIALLY THE LITTLEST ONE CAUSE HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME) I LOVE YOU GRANNY RICE
And also, my biological father James Keith Freeman died a few years ago, and I didn't get to go to the funeral. and I haven't even been to his grave site.
But i want to go see him too. R.I.P. daddy
And My Granny Freeman, who is not doing so good, and may not remember me, I want to see her and tell her i love her and that she made the best banana sandwiches in the whole world.
I guess, y'all can figure out that I wanna come home and see all y'all.. I love y'all all, even the one's not in Alabama