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Saturday, June 2, 2012

I Guess GOD knew what he was doing when he gave me only 1 Girl

I DON'T KNOW HOW MY MOM DID IT???? I DON'T KNOW HOW MY SISTER V (code name) DID IT!!!! 
My mom raised 4 relatively normal girls....I mean, none of us have become Murderers, or mad scientist doing evil plans to take over the world (Pinky and the Brain, anyone?) , none of us have ever stole a car, or even went to JAIL....(ahem). And she did it for a while as a single mom. Then she met my Papa, and everything was all right! :) My sister V raised 4 girls as a single mom and they are all normal (as normal as any of us GIRLS are). Her oldest daughter J has 2 boys and a girl on the way, Then there's K, who just had her first baby boy J, then there's N who is fabulous and loves the internet and her phone, and last but not least there is M...and she is a spit-fire, mean as she can be, and we couldn't love her more.
My oldest sister, C has one child, a girl, K who is 21 and in college. (That's a big deal for us)
Then there is my next to the oldest sister C-LO, who raised 2 happy BOYS, and is the one who ABSOLUTELY understands my gripes about the smell that boys create, and the food they consume, and the messes they make. But i digress....
I guess god has a sense of humor because as I was growing up I KNEW that I wanted kids, more importantly I wanted to have at least 2 girls, SISTERS, so she could fully appreciate the SISTERHOOD.....You know the one.
1)You can't use the bathroom without one of them coming in and getting the hair spray or lip gloss WHILE YOUR POOPING
2)What's Their's are Their's and what's your's is Their's
3)They've seen you naked as a baby, teenager, and an adult and they won't tell anyone what's hiding behind those Spanx.
4)They tell you you look like crap, when you look like crap.
5) You're 8 months pregnant and they still tell you that you look like crap.
6)When you ask if you look Good, they will go over you with a fine tooth comb before agreeing that Yes you do look Good.
7)They can not hate you as much as they can, but let 1 mean boy/girl talk bad about you and God help them.
8)When something goes wrong, They will circle the wagons and load their guns (LOL) until the threat is over.
9)They can understand what you are saying perfectly while you are bawling your eyes out.
10) We argue over who is MOMS favorite. FYI it's me!
11) Hands Down, I AM Granny's favorite.
12) When you are being a Bitch, they will tell you that you are being a bitch!
13) They were the original What Not To Wear series....
14)When you've went months without talking on the phone, bam, one of them calls and it's like you just talked to them yesterday.....
15)They taught me how to shave EVERYTHING

And it's for these 15 reasons above that I feel for my daughter, because she doesn't have that. She is surrounded by Boys, stinky, trick playing, putting bubble gum in your hair Boys. I Try to let her go to her friends house as much as possible. (the approved friends that is). Some of her friends come over and I am DELIGHTED to see them doing hair and makeup, and standing semi-nude while trying on each others clothes. I even let her do Makeovers on me....Hair straightened, Gobs of eye make up (enough that I could be mistaken for a hooker) nails, you name it.
 But she is surrounded by BOYS.....They've taught her stuff too...Like, how to shoot guns (yes, guns as in plural), she shoots a bow and arrow, she can drive a 4wheeler like nobody's business, Fart and clear the room, romp thru the woods to 2 lanes over, and not think a thing of it, and walk those same woods back in the dark with only the light of her cell phone to light her way. She can fight and knows ALL the boy's weak points....They were taught to her by her oldest brother, Man Child....only he never knew that she'd use them on him!!! He taught her how to tackle, and to fight back no matter what (if attacked) and don't ever stop!!! They also taught her how to shoot fireworks...use an axe, hunt for crickets, and get her own fish off the hook....
So I wonder, is she really missing any thing without having sisters? and the answer is yes and no.....She doesn't get some of the stories I tell about growing up with 3 sisters and 1 stepsister.... She FREAKS OUT if you have to come in the bathroom while she is in the shower (we only have 1 right now)....And when she has a bad day...i.e. a boy has been mean to her, all she has to talk to is ME.....and i'm usually trying to breakup a fight between the THINGS, or catch a frog the THINGS thought would be funny to let loose in the house, and I try to listen, I really do, but most of the time she gets frustrated and leaves. And by the time i've got the THINGS to sleep, she has already talked to all her girl friends via facebook, and text....and i'm glad and jealous all at the same time. I don't know what kind of advice they have given her, and if anybody was going to give her bad advice it SHOULD BE ME.
So, I'm at a cross-roads: her friends know more about HER than I do, but she is MINE.......
I'm not for sure if my mom or sisters ever felt this way. I am the only one who managed to have both boys and girls as babies. They all had one OR the other.
What do you think. Should I tie her down and keep her there until I spout out all my Knowledge, or do I let her spread her wings and fly????? She's 15.....I was Engaged at 16 and got married at 17 (NOT PREGNANT)....and I think OMG.....OMG...OMG... I wanna barf.....
So what to do?
Simple. When her boyfriends come for a visit: All her brothers line up on the porch...the THINGS armed with BB guns, Man Child armed with a 20 gauge (unloaded of course) and her dad, dressed in overalls, shirtless, and a Big ASS Gun in his hand (unloaded for sure..ahem)....... I figure if her boyfriend can man up and get pass all that, then he's probably worth going on 1 date with.....either way (i'll be in the gold van a few car lengths behind them spying on them all the way!)
 What do yall think?

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