So I have learned to spot Mom's that have (mostly) Boys in, oh let's say, WalMart...
* and of course, these boys in these examples are NOT mine..hehe...Mine are little
SO HERE'S YOU SIGN, MOTHERS WITH BOYS
*Forget the Dogs, BEWARE of the Kids*
1. She starts off her shopping trip with a BIG SPEECH about not touching everything in sight, and about Not running in the store, etc....
2. She's the one with 1 boy begging to get in the front of the cart, 1 boy who is actually in the cart (much to her dismay). 1 boy under the cart, where usually dog food or other big items go.
3. Oh, and let's not forget the one running down the isle, and sliding on his knees, going "look mama. Look mama".
4. She's the one that the little old ladies that give her the skank eye, for her boys acting in the above manners.
5. They MUST go to the bathroom, Twice in one trip.
6. Her cart usually holds the following : Hair dye to get the gray hair out (the hair that she has left..LOL) Several Match-Box cars, that they sneak in to the cart while she is detaching herself from 1 of the boys.
I've learned that they use this maneuver when they really want something. They send in the cutest/smallest boy to distract her, while the other boys put things in the buggy.
7. While in the WOMEN'S Hygiene section, they yell out "what's this one for"? While holding a box of tampons...The pick up some pads, and smell them because it has a flower on it, and it says it's lightly scented.....They also want to know what a Trogan is and does she need any? WTHeck? They do ALL THESE THINGS IN THE LOUDEST VOICE POSSIBLE!!! SO ANYONE WITHIN A ONE MILE RADIUS CAN HERE. It's like those nightmares that you had as a teen, purchasing some female items, when one of them wont scan, and the cashier says into her microphone "Price Check on Tampon's on Chekout 5"
8. They beg, and beg, to push the cart, only to run into the feet of the little old lady from #4....They apologized, but she gives The Mom "When I was raising my kids, i'd use a switch on them and straighten them out for good" look.
9. Now the mom takes over pushing the cart and then heads to the Grocery side.... Now here's where things get hairy for Moms of Boys...
10.. The boys fight over who's going to get the milk, they wait till she's has picked out the good eggs, and so badly want to put them in the cart, that when the do they just throw them in!!! Now she is back to square one. They also want every ice cream, and Popsicle that they can get there hands on, and this is another chance to use the cutest/smallest child to distract her so they can put in the FORBIDDEN items...
11. They have to touch each and every little thing in the store...
12. They FART in public, and laugh like hyenas .....So if you ever see a mom of boys RUNNING, i'd close your nose if I were you.... Same things go for Hubby's too.....If you see him running, close your nose!
13. Her Car/MiniVan/Taxi is full of football gear, sweaty socks, a lost pair of shoes, a chocolate milkshake from about 2 weeks ago, that now looks like a science experiment, Bouncy balls, happy meal toys, you get my drift.
14. Her Boy's pee in the yard. EVEN WHEN THE BATHROOM IS OPEN!!
15. They take PRIDE in leaving the fake spider on their mom's shoulders while she's sleeping.
16. Even when they are caked with mud, the don't want to take a bath, and sometimes try to fool you into thinking that they took a real bath....only she discovers while helping them dry off, that something is just not right? She figures it out because their hair still smells like wet dog, and there is still dirt on their legs.
17. The movies that reside in a Mom of Boys house are the following: Transformers 1,2 and 3, Deer Hunting DVD's, The Fast and The Furious DVD's, Foot ball Movies, The Iron giant...and the list goes on and on. And just for the mom's sake, Maybe the movie Because I Said So, and Steel Magnolias!!!
18. They can go to Football Games to see their Big Brother play, and can follow along quite nicely...To the point of The Mom having to ask her 7, 8, ad 9 year old what just happened and what was the whistle for?
That is until they see little boys throwing rocks at one another, and quickly leave there mother to figure out the rules for herself!!! Selfish little Things...LOL
19. A lot of times, Moms of Boys have mainly in her closet: The Hubby's Team of choice T-Shirts, Jeans, Sweats, only 1 dress that she hasn't fit into in years, a pair of black heels, a couple (as in 2) nice shirts and shorts that match. Bras that don't fit, pants that don't fit, but by goodness, she IS going to fit into them one day!!!
20. How to Spot a Mom of Boys: Easy, it's the woman whose dead tired, wearing no makeup, has on her husbands shirt, and last but not least : SHE DOES NOT CARE... Her biggest achivement before going to the store was getting her hair brush and her teeth brushed!!!
P.S. Most Moms of Boys have painted their toenails a pretty girly shade of pink, while her dish-pan hands looks like she should put them into a bowl of PALMOLIVE!!!
P.P.S. Most Moms of Boys house, smells like feet, sweat, wet dog, and onions....I don't care what new products they come up with, but I have not had one yet to work!!!! So if you drop by my house, bring a clothespin for your nose.