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Monday, July 16, 2012

The one where I wet MY Pants

I'll wait while you read that title again.....Yep, Keep Laughing....Ok, stop. I mean it!!!
So you may be wondering how I wet my pants, right? Well to get to that answer I must tell you how it got to that point. Having many kids in different age groups, we often have built in babysitters, so we don't have to take the little ones every where we go. But today was different. Girl-child was already booked to babysit an ADORABLE little boy named Brayden, and hello Mom it's a paying job. :) And Man-Child was at a friends house and then to Football Practice later in the afternoon. Soooo, after we picked Things 1, 2 and 3 up from their Summer Enrichment Program, we had to head to the Feed Store. No biggie, right? Only they haven't been to this particular Feed Store before and wanted to go inside. So we go inside, and...they...look...at...everything!! I've never seen a 7 year old so engrossed in Flea Spray!! And they had things for Horses, and they had seeds for your garden....etc,etc... Anyhoo, what was easily a 10 minute trip inside this country store, took at least 30 minutes. So we loaded all the THINGS back up and went to go home.
Are we at the part where I wet my pants? Not yet!! Keep your britches on.
Anyway we get all the way home, only to realize that we didn't get exactly what we need, and we need to go back to the Feed Store!!!!!  So we load everyone back up and off we go again. The THINGS don't seem to mind. It's like an adventure to them. So by the time we get back to the Feed Store (and this time only hubby went in) and get what we needed (again). We go to leave and the driveway was blocked by a tow truck trying to pick up a truck that was stuck in the parking lot!!! After maneuvering around this we headed back home. But no, now they've decided that they are hungry, and need to eat now.
Are we at the part where I wet my pants? YES
So we stop by this little country restaurant, intending to get just a quick bite to eat and be on our way.......We should know better by now, that nothing goes fast when the THINGS are involved. Before we even place our order, all of the Things had to go to the bathroom....TWICE....So finally after much deliberation, we place our order and were told it could take about 20 minutes for everything to be done. Ok, no problem.....HMMMM... How do you keep The THINGS occupied and behaved for 20 minutes before their food arrives. Let me tell you. You take a tour of tiny restaurant, talk to it's usual diners, go back to the bathroom and let them compare the difference between the Girls Bathroom v/s the Boys Bathroom. Thankfully, the waitress had brought us some hush puppies to eat, so we set about eating 2 basket full of those. And  talking to the kids about their Summer Enrichment Classes, and making said Hush puppies dance....and no THING 3, you can't shove a hush puppie up your nose...ok,ok, maybe you CAN but you Shouldn't!!!! So THING 1 picks up a hush puppie that is in the shape of a H...so we all set about looking for more Alphabet hush puppies...I find one, and hold it up, and ask what does this one say....only in my hurry to be the first to find another Alphabet one, I SPILLED THE ENTIRE CUP OF DR. PEPPER IN MY LAP!!!! Much to the delight of my kids, and much to the akward embarresment of me....And I know that Hubby was laughing behind his napkin....(note to husband, I WILL GET YOU BACK)...So I had to do the walk of shame, while Dr. Pepper leaked down my legs, and made a trail all the way to the bathroom. If I was only pregnant, I could have yelled "MY WATER JUST BROKE" and walked out with my head held high. But alas, my pregnancy days are behind me...way,way, way back behind me....Anyway, back to me, in the bathroom, tying to hold on to my dignity while I have my legs in the sink of this Country Restaurant...... By the time I had cleaned up, our waitress had cleaned up my mess (thank you very much kind waitress) and our dinner was almost done. As I entered back to the dinning area, every eye was on me and much to my dislike, a few more people had arrived, and had obviously been Briefed (get it?) about my mishap. So I walked very fast, squeaking in my flip-flops the whole way to the table. I get there and set down and the Ultimate Humiliation was when the waitress comes back, and my HUBBY casually asks her to..bring..me..a..LID!!!! What? I am not a child....(another note to Hubby I know where you sleep). So our meal arrives and it looks delicious... We say our prayer, and begin to eat. Everything's going good....Then all of a sudden THING 3 chokes on some fried okra, and proceeds to spit up at the table...I hurry him to the woman's bathroom, to let him finish puking in the toilet....The same bathroom that was just vacated by myself...Ironic? Nope, Just a day in the life of ME...
We get him cleaned up, and back to the table we go. He doesn't eat anything else for a few minutes, while the rest of us eat. However, the waitress kept looking at us, to see which one of us was gonna do something You Tube worthy....I couldn't blame her... Finally we are done and we pay and leave...and I swear, I heard clapping..... I mean, how many times do you go to a restaurant and it's the Mom who makes the biggest mess, and draws that much attention? While the kids behaved Great!!!!
I GUESS I CAN'T TAKE MY-SELF ANYWHERE!!!
On a side note, when we were loading up the THINGS they noticed that storm clouds where coming and we needed to hurry....but not so for THING 3, he loves the weather...he said look guys, the sun is shinning down from one of the rain clouds...he said It looks like HEAVEN.......and it did, the rays of sun coming out of the storm cloud was absolutely beautiful...I wished I had my camera with me....i'd try to catch a glimpse of Heaven........
What can I say to that?
Jamie

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