There was an error in this gadget

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Phases of life my kids are in...and I think Sarcasm is in our DNA

17 y/o Man Child is in : Dearest Mother, don't you know that I am almost 18, and I am a Football Champion?? Here's my ring....now you can kiss it.....


Me: Dearest Man-Child..you may be a Football Champion, and as tall as a giant....but you need to remember who housed you for 9 months....and not to ignore the fact that even though you are 6ft 4, and I'm 5ft 2...I still wield a MAD FRYING PAN....so beware....(what the really evil/non-mom side of me wants to say is :I got something for you to kiss....but alas, I will refrain)

16 y/o Girl Child is in this phase: Mommie Dearest, I am 16 and can go out on dates now, and like not come home until 12 a.m....Because mom, EVERY OTHER GIRL MY AGE CAN DO THIS....so therefore I command you to let me do this.


Me: Bawahhaaa. spits soda out of my nose, and fall to the floor laughing.....
Her: Why are you laughing?
Me: Because GURL, I Was 16 once, and I know just what your thinking, and I don't think so.....
Her: Why?
Me: Because I Know you, and I know me, and I know my sisters and HELL NO....
Her: Why?
Me: Oh dear god, do I have to spell it out for you?
Her: YES
Me: Alright then. N-O....
Her: I so can't freakin' wait to get out of here....
Me: As in my house, or this state?
Her: Both....And I WILL NEVER LIVE IN A TRAILER EVER...
Me: hahahahaaa
Her: What?
Me: NEVER SAY NEVER....karma a b* and it will bite you in the end..
Her: So your just gonna keep me here prisoner?
Me: If you dad had his way then yes, me? Well there is a Walker County AL in every place you go....
Her: I don't like you...
Me: You don't have to....I don't like you neither...but I LOVE YOU...
Her: (mumbles) I love you too.... and stomps off to her room....
Me: Thank you God, for giving me only 1 Daughter.....I don't know how I could deal with another one...
(side note: she then takes to Facebook and starts putting up sarcastic witty b*tchy things on her FB wall....all while I laugh in my closet where I am hiding eating my ice cream and reading all of her posts. Where did she get this sarcastic from?????..)

10 y/o Thing 1 is in this phase: Mom, I'm in double digits now, and I can say Cuss words that I've heard from you... on the bus.....And you no nothing about 4th grade, and I can call my brothers stupid and stuff, cause that's the way I roll...


Me: I don't care if your in triple digits.....You cannot cuss and call your brothers stupid...
Him: Uh-huh, I sit in the back of the bus, and I'm in charge cuz I'm older than they are...
Me: Doesn't work that way.
Him: What do you know, you were born when dinosaurs were still around...
Me: *cricket, cricket*
Him: SEE?
Me: Why I otta......What am I going to do with you?
Him: Nothing, that's just the way it is....
Me: (formulates plan that involves Thing 2, and Thing 3.....because really, who could come back after that crack?)
(update: It was as simple as letting Thing 2, and Thing 3 to use his deodorant ANYWHERE THEY WANTED TO....then put said deodorant back in drawer and cackle to myself when I see him putting it on)

9 y/o Thing 2 is in this phase: Mommie, your so PRETTY, and smart, and I love you so much, and you are the best mom in the world and can I have the new xbox game that cost 50 bucks????.....did I mention that you are pretty and the best mommie ever....


Me: I think you mentioned it once or twice....but a foot rub, and a few more "I'm Pretty's" and the game is yours...
Him: I knew I was your favorite

And last, but certainly not least...
Thing 3, a.k.a "Spider Monkey" is in this phase: I am your baby, and always will be....remember when I couldn't breathe and the ambulance had to come???? So, that means I get what I want, whenever I want it, and there shall be no peace in this house until I get what I want.....


Me: You're pretty slick...you know mentioning the breathing thing and all....
Him: I know, I am Good...
Me: Maybe Just a LITTLE too good.
Him: Nope
Me: Dear Lord, what have Crazy Hubby and I done? We have given this child both of our sarcastic, slick DNA.....What did we do?
Him: You named me T.N.T.....Taylor Nathaniel Thompson
Me: I did do that
(crazy hubby would like to point out that I am the only one who named this child, because he got to name Things 1, and Thing 2)
Him: You wanted DYNAMITE .. YOU GOT IT...
Me: You are a Turd..
Him: It takes one to know one....
Me: I think we have created a monster....
Him: Yup....but your are so pretty...and
Me: Stop, don't steal your brothers moves...
Him: Watch me...
Me: ((shudders))

HIDING UNDER THE COVERS, BALLED UP IN A FETAL POSITION,
JAMIE

No comments:

Post a Comment

If ya'll liked it leave a comment...
If ya'll didn't like it just leave :)