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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Now I KNOW why Moms keep secrets.....

Now I KNOW why Moms keep secrets....

Especially the one about what happens when their former good child turns into an adult...aka, 18.....

There seems some confusion going on in my house as to what said 18 year Man-child can and cannot do......

So I've thought about this for a couple of days.....and here are the rules and regs that i've come up with...

EVEN THOUGH YOUR 18 YOUR ARE:

Still expected to go by the same rules as the rest of the family......

For example, you cannot stay out until whenever you ever want....

And, you are still expected to do the same chores as usual............

Also, cursing at your mom is likely to make her get her PAULA DEEN pan out and bop you on the head with it.....

And, raising your voice at yo mama, will likely get you b*tched slapped...

Also, you are still loved, and I will do your laundry because you work hard at your day job, then go to football practice, then shower, then onto your online school for your extra credit......

And I've been paying your insurance for a while now, and yes I DO expect your day job money to go towards getting your truck all ready.....in another words pay for your own oil, etc.....

And yes, I want you to stay home and finish school, you only have one year left, and you are a senior one the
Varsity football team, then go on to College....

However, now that you are an ADULT, you should treat me the same as you always have......

If not......I have no problem going BACK WOODS ALABAMA ON YOUR BUTT.....

And putting you in your place........

For now, i'm gonna give you a few weeks to get used to your new found role, before I do the whole BWAOYB thing.......

Never forget, That I Love you very much.......
But I am not required to like you sometimes.....
Same goes for you....

May the swelling in your head go down from turning 18,
or else the swelling in your head will be from my Mad  PAULA DEEN PAN Throwing skillz.....

And to the MOMS out there who kept this a secret.....WELL PLAYED SISTER, WELL PLAYED



Monday, June 24, 2013

His 18th Birthday...

So yesterday, MAN-CHILD turned 18.....

I had been bothering me for a while and i've written about the hard times i've been having in dealing with this.....

But, I have to admit, it went rather smoothly....

He got a truck for his birthday.......

A new to him truck....

OK,OK....it's a complete REDNECK truck....

It's what every boys first truck should be.....

As in paid for, and old.....

It's a 1998 Chevy Silverado, extended cab, long bed truck.....

Here's a pic:



So, the day went good.....

With me only having a few anxiety attacks.....

But I put one foot in front of the other....and well....I MADE IT.....

Until I opened up his baby book.....

Then the tears came.....

Oh well......

I still have 6 more to go.........



TOOK A XANAX AND MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY,
JAMIE...
AKA....
MAMA WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD SON.....

Friday, June 21, 2013

I HAD NO IDEAL

I HAD NO IDEAL.....

Why couldn't someone tell me?

It's like it's some sort of secret, that mom's have.....

It's a secret that mom's keep, I think, in part to save you some pain....

I just wished that somebody would have clued me in....

How was I to know, just 18 short years ago, as I lay on the operating table, after 15 hours of labor.....That I would be in the pain, just the same?

I never dreamed that my Man-Child turning 18, could hurt so much......

Oh sure, I joke about it......saying things like "Get a job"......so he did......

Great, the one thing I was joking about, he actually did......

Maybe I should joke about him putting his dirty clothes in the basket.....maybe he'd do it then.

Maybe I should try turning back time, doing things differently.....worrying less, laughing more....

But isn't that how you should be with your first born child?

Worried? Scared? Is that a hungry cry or a I just pooped my pants cry.????

Calling your mom up in the middle of the night, to ask her (from 12 hours away) what she thought the cry meant?

And usually she was right.....

But it seems like in the blink of an eye, we went from newborn, to toddler, to preschooler, to elementary school, middle school, being a tweenager, and then finally the forever mouthing off teenager.

Then, he goes and turns 18........

How dare he? What? Why????

I know my sister Cheryl would say to me "Jamie, it's what you've been teaching him to do since birth..To grow up and be responsible, and polite"....

And she would be right (of course)......

My sister Cindy might say something along the lines of "Hey chick, you made it...He's 18, and you haven't killed him, and he hasn't killed you either, so you did good"....

My sister Vicky would probably just laugh at me.."And say, Yeah, you only have 6 more to go"......

My mother would just remind me, ever so gently, that I got married at 17......yikes!!! What was I thinking???

Well whatever I was thinking, I got Man-Child, and Girl-Child.........

I digress.....

Back to my question, Why does him turning 18 hurt?????

Can anybody answer me that???

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Hey GirlChild, is your mom PREGNANT????

Umm, excuse me......

Girl Child told me that one of her friends asked if I was pregnant because of my gut...

So apparently people, I look like i'm about to give birth..............

When I asked Girl Child if she defended me, or even told said *friend* that I had given birth to 5 babies and it was non of her business....

Her reply: "NO....you are carrying a little weight in the midsection"

Me: "Thanks alot....."

My question is that why do Teenagers, and Women in general seem to want to point out all of our flaws???

So, I'M NOT A TWIG BITCH........

Get over it people, especially the little snot who started this whole thing....

And for my daughter not coming to my defense or even explaining that i had housed a lot of kids in this APPARENTLY GIANT BELLY, i'm at a loss for words...

Excuse me, Man Child, Girl Child, Things 1, 2 and 3.......
This MASSIVE BELLY did house you for 9 months....
You all are responsible for every stretch mark that, until today, I WORE with PRIDE......
I also breastfed every single one of you, even when i was pregnant with another child...
Seriously, i would go into the hospital breastfeeding 1 kid, and come our breastfeeding another.
So forgive me if my LADY BITS are on the wobbly size....
I was doing what doctors and science said was best for babies.....
So excuse the Hell outta me....

Thank you to all you TWIG BITCHES out there that makes our youth, teenagers and mothers SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS about our body....

WTH is going on in today's world that makes us think we have to be a certain size to be acceptable????

My Girl-Child followed up on this conversation with: "do you want to go enter a marathon  with her, so I could get in shape ?"

At this point I could have wrang her pretty little red neck....

But instead I came here, to pour out my vile about these TWIGS B's............

Always making my Girl Child feel like she's fat, and apparently they have the capability to make a Grown Woman (me) want to go hide in the bathroom to cry...

I am at peace with my body........
Sure I could loose a few pounds and probably feel better......only to have those pounds quickly come back.
Why? Cause raising my children, teaching my teenagers how to become adults, dealing with a husband who is both an insulin dependent diabetic, and epileptic, seem to trump A TRIP TO THE GYM............

My husband still finds me beautiful, and he's seen every bit of me including my guts ( 5 c-sections)......
He's seen me dressed to the nines, with blonde hair....
and he's seen me in his old work shirt, and cut off jeans.
He's seen me when i haven't managed to brush my hair or my teeth, because I was dealing with babies...
He's seen me after my c-sections and all the gory details that go into the first few days after giving birth.
And yet he still thinks that i'm beautiful........

So why do I give a FLYING F what this teenager said?

Because it seems to be the American way of thinking, that everyone has to be one size to be beautiful, smart, and successful...

And now it's in my mind, and in Girl-Child's mind that I am not good enough......
How the hell did I let a teenager in my head? And if she can get into my head, then damn she's good...

What's scary is that their are many more people, from young to old that are thinking the same way....

WE MUST BE SKINNY TO BE A GOOD PERSON
WE MUST BE SKINNY TO FIT IN
IF WE ARE FAT WE ARE SLOBS WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR BODY'S
IF WE ARE FAT WE ARE SHOWING OUR KIDS THAT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR HEALTH, AND DEAR GOD BECAUSE I'M FAT, SHOULD I EVEN BE ABLE TO BE A MOTHER???????????

But you know what......
Screw them.......
Because I don't care anymore...

I AM BEAUTIFUL
I AM A WIFE
I AM A MOTHER
I AM A DAUGHTER
I AM A GRAND DAUGHTER
I AM A AUNT
I AM A WOMAN WHO WEAR HER STRIPES PROUDLY....

I AM WOMAN, AND HEAR ME ROAR........

JAMIE...... ALL 170 LBS OF ME!!